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Most individuals hate being alone. No matter how much trouble relationships involve, people tend to fear not having someone. Sadly, some would rather have anyone, than be alone. One is the loneliest number for most people(unless you’ve been in such a horrible relationship that it’s a relief) . Sometimes, you might succumb to the urge to force a relationship, rather than face the night all on your own.
Well-balanced, functional relationships are a blessing, even when you’re dealing with conflict. And there is conflict in relationships. Its unavoidable and conflict in a working relationship—conflict that actually gets resolved—helps us to grow. You want this kind of relationship.
You can’t, however, make this happen with just anyone. Some individuals choose relationship partners for unhealthy reasons. You might pick a person who’s similar to you in outlook in hopes of never arguing, never having conflict. This, however, is an attempt to side-step reality. No matter what, life involves conflict. Relationships that offer a system of checks-and-balances aren’t always comfortable, but they work.
There isn’t a way to always be comfortable in life. Sometimes, you just won’t be, no matter who you choose for a marital partner. The challenge is finding someone who balances you.
So, don’t try and find someone who’s just like you. Find someone who really likes you…and is contrasting in personality. The shy wall-flower and the used car salesman. Yes, there’ll be some push-pull in the socialization area, but you both need that. The big extrovert needs to learn to be by himself sometimes, to look into his own thoughts and feelings. The shy introvert needs to learn to meet and connect with others so her life includes support and fellowship. These are the counter-balancing effects of different personalities.
It is important, however, that couples share similar values. If one wants to live in the middle of an exciting, churning city and the other prefers an isolated, wind-swept hillside, life will be hard for both. Those who have a strong relationship with a higher power can find it frustrating to live with an atheist. One wants one kind of lifestyle, the other prefers something very different.
Don’t succumb to the temptation of trying to change your partner’s values. Differing personalities, though, can work.
One of the big challenges in this is that individuals with contrasting personalities need to be able to see the value of the other position. Don’t succumb to thinking the world would be lots better if everyone thought like you. It wouldn’t. This is a real tendency some have, mostly, because they don’t want to think they’re wrong. It’s not about being wrong. It’s about being different and seeing things differently from one another. There’s actually some truth in each perspective. You each have something important to offer the other.
Different personalities, similar values. If partners are attracted to each other(and there’s no good reason to be in a relationship if you’re not attracted) and respect the personality differences as having valuable aspects, you both benefit. You learn to listen to one another, even when you disagree. You learn to take the other perspective into consideration.
This is what balance is all about and balance leads to a better life.
Finding the right someone is better than hooking up with just anyone. So, be alone until you connect with a person who helps you be a better you. It pays off in the end.
