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Monday, April 7, 2008

Love Whores

Ever sell yourself out just to stay in a relationship? Make promises to appease your partner even when he's in the wrong? Do you walk on eggshells when she's in a bad mood? Is there rarely a week without a big fight? And yet, you still don't leave. Maybe you're scared to be single. Maybe you stay in your relationship because you're afraid to be alone.

You may be a Love Whore.

If you've been in one relationship after another every since high school, being alone will feel strange initially. May even feel bad. You won't have someone to wake up with or someone to phone when you're leaving work. You won't have someone who cares that you just got a speeding ticket. You'll be alone. Does this sound scary? Upsetting. Love whores will do almost anything to make sure they're in a relationship, whatever relationship. Doesn't really matter that much with whom…

Alone is not going to kill you.

So, is your current relationship really worth the trouble? Does it work for you more often than not? Whether to stay in or get out of a relationship can be a huge question and one a lot of people struggle with. You may poll your friends on what to do. You report every happening, tell them every bad thing that he does and says until your friends yell at you to just get out already!

Maybe all the thinking and talking about it says as much about you as it does the relationship. Maybe you define yourself by whatever relationship you're in at the moment. Do you even know who you are without a partner? Some individuals have the fear that they won't really exist without a mate, that it'll be like going out naked. You won't be complete without someone, almost anyone beside you.

You're not desperate, you may say. Maybe not, but you have to ask yourself what was the longest period of time you've been unattached. If the answer is only a week or two, maybe you'd better consider again….

Now, you might be thinking that too many people change partners like changing socks. Relationships require commitment, right. Don't individuals give up on relationships too quickly? Sure they do! It is often a reality that, unable to work through relationship conflicts, we dump the relationship and move one--usually, by the next weekend. But staying in a bad relationship that won't heal isn't a good option, either.

It is a particularly bad idea to stay because you don't want to face the things that come with a break-up. Don't stay because you're afraid of being alone. This is a big mistake and one individuals are frequently making. You date "fillers," someone to hang out with until someone you're really into comes along.

Maybe you've been out in the dating world and you're tired of serial relationships--some individuals change partners with dizzying speed. But it isn't a good idea to stay in a relationship where the issues don't change--just cycle around over and over--and the two of you aren't willing to find a resolution.

When there are lots of signs that you don't need to stay, get out.

If you don't share your mate's values, if you or your mate is cheating, if you got into the relationship because you weren't happy with your previous lover, if you find the relationship costing you more than it brings you, get out.

Just get out.