Telling Your Kids Lies (You Want To Believe)

It’s not that you’re deliberately dishonest with your child. You want everything for him. You want him to be happy, to find just the right job, the right mate, and to be happy with the life he chooses.

You may still by lying. Truthfully, parenting lies can look so harmless.

There are the lies you’d like to make come true. You can be anything you want to be. If this were true, we’d all play major league baseball and have recording contracts. Being truthful about limitations can be difficult because you want to encourage the child. Don’t good parents tell their kids to go for it? Maybe he could do great things with a little push. (Think of Michael Phelps and his mother.)

It’s true that all significant endeavors take work and big effort, but not all kids will reach the top. Nor does reaching the top mean actual happiness.

Then, there are parenting lies you don’t realize are lies. Do really well in school and go to the best college(even if you rack up big loans in the process) and you’ll automatically get a good job. Then, you’ll never worry about money. This is the thinking behind the insanity behind Advanced Placement coursework in high school. Advanced Placement(AP) classes prepare students to take tests that can gain them college hours. If the student enjoys the subject, this can be a good thing, but this huge effort that goes into AP classes can also slant them toward an achievement-at-all-cost mentality. All it takes is a “poor” grade (anything less than stellar) in one class or a failure to earn a high enough grade one one AP test, and the kid’s already a miserable failure. Or feels like one.

This kind of pursuit doesn’t necessarily bring life success. Besides, worrying about money isn’t limited to people who didn’t finish high school (or those who graduated high school, but just went to community college).

Don’t tell your kid that attaining a specific goal—even one she says is most important to her—is the most important thing. It’s how she lives her life that matters most.
It’s more important to stress the process. · Go after what you want.· Pay attention to your actions in relationships.· Learn to put your heart into those things that are worthwhile to you.
These are the things that count in life. Don’t focus on what your kid can attain. The really important thing is who he becomes—the kind of person he is. Your values determines the direction of your life. This is true for your children, as well.

Help them learn values. Tell your children they can make mistakes, that they will make mistakes. This is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child. Life involves mistakes. The learning process includes poor choices, as well as, good choices. As a parent, you just hope the hardest lessons don’t alter their lives too significantly.

Hopefully, if the child doesn’t reach the pinnacle, he’s still had a darn good time in the pursuit. If he doesn’t get into the trendy college of the moment or earn a gold medal in his sport or make a million…he can still be a quality person who lives a deeply satisfying life.

That’s really what matters.