Posts
Brides keep asking a slew of their friends to be bridesmaids, when planning The Big Day, and bridesmaids keep dreading the bridesmaid dress. What is this all about? Being asked to participate as an attendant in a wedding party is supposed to be a great compliment. Bridesmaids, however, almost universally dread the dress. Just part of the recent upswing in "bridal insanity," the ugly bridesmaid dress has a psychology of its own.
The horrible bridesmaid dress has become a cliché that the wedding industry can't quite seem to get around. The horrible bridesmaid dress shows up frequently in the "clean out your closet" segments on television shows, cable wedding day disasters and even functions as the punch line for a commercial for shampoo. Brides seem to develop a kind of selective bad taste when picking dresses for four, five or eight of their closest friends to wear on the bride's big day.
Wedding cakes, flowers, reception dinners, picking the right band…wedding productions have spawned an industry all their own. The centerpiece of the event for most brides, however, is themselves and their dress. Thousands of dollars are spent on the bride's attire and much energy and attention is spent on making her feel beautiful. This, many brides will say vehemently and sometimes tearfully, is her day!
Weddings, and all things related, continue to have an appeal, no matter how complicated is the reality of being married. The ceremony itself has become a production for most brides(and for many grooms), one of the most interesting aspects of which is The Bridesmaid Dress. Despite having friends of all heights, weights and life conditions(pregnant!), brides continue to dress their attendants in the same color and style. The wedding industry has gamely tried to address this issue by offering dresses made in the same colors, but available in different styles. The problem, however, still continues. Brides pick hideous dresses for their bridesmaids and continue to claim that these can be "worn later." This would be less of an issue, but for the reality that most bridesmaids foot the bill for their celebratory gear. They could possibly grit their teeth and wear a salmon sheath designed for a size two woman with no hips, if they(a size eight with curved hips) didn't have to pay for the damned dress.
So, one has to wonder…does the bride want her attendants to look horrible?
Newlywed women everywhere would be very upset at the implication. These are their friends, they'd say, but perhaps the problem lies more in the psychology of the wedding display, rather than in how brides feel about their attendants.
Let's be honest, weddings are not just tender proclamations of couples' love. Brides and grooms are concerned with the look of the event. Like a stage show, they carefully plan where the tall attendants will stand and whether they'll look funny walking out with a shorter groomsman. For the greatest majority of brides, and those who support them, weddings are a moment in time when they get to be The Star. Attendants and their wedding attire function to frame the bride and groom almost like set pieces. In a much earlier era, brides wore their best dresses in which to be married and, if they had attendants, their friends wore their best dresses, as well. Coordinating the attire wasn't generally an issue.
The longing to feel special--to have a moment when everything is about you--is universal. While not all couples hanker after this kind of wedding, the great majority do. Couples can actually feel shamed by having a small, inexpensive wedding. Somehow, weddings have become a phenomena and it can be difficult to resist the insanity.
Perhaps the complexity of marriage, half of which will end in divorce, makes us want to mark the event with some sort of external stamp of approval. There now! You're Really Married! But this shouldn't mean a total loss of sanity when it comes to planning the celebration. Remember, brides, if you'd like your attendants to your friends after the wedding, put some thought into making them look beautiful on the stage, too.