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It takes two people to make a relationship work, but only one to walk away.
This might not seem fair when your heart and your life are on the line, but she doesn't have to stay. Sometimes people leave, even when you're trying your hardest. You may turn yourself inside out to keep her happy, trying to look at your own issues and how you're adding to the problems. Even if you soul-search and jump through hoops, you still can't make it work by yourself.
Don't let yourself believe that she should stay, that she somehow owes it to you. This isn't about should. It's about the nature of relationships. Both powerful and fragile, relationships can be the hardest thing you'll do in your life...and you can't do it alone. Stalking and imaginary relationships take place in one person's head, but not complete, functional relationships. Your partner needs to be as in this thing as you are.
She gets to leave you, if she wants. Letting go can be very difficult, but it might be the best thing you can do for yourself.
Step back some and ask yourself what happened here. Don't let yourself believe that this was perfect and beautiful until some other man came along and stole your life. It doesn't work this way. If a relationship is solid, a third party cannot sneak into it. This is a myth individuals sometimes use to comfort themselves (which is understandable if they've been hurt), but it's not a reality. You need to look at what this really was, how it really worked.
If you have clear, functional, open communication, if both parties are invested in making this work and if you are both getting what you need out of the relationship, people don't cheat. And they don't usually leave. Of course, those are a lot of "Ifs". You may want to argue with this, citing that some people are lousy individuals and some just cheat for no reason. This is a simple, incomplete view, though, and it doesn't help you deal with your loss, even if you feel better at first.
There must be two people in every relationship, but you can only direct your own function. You don't get to tell her what she needs to do or how she should act with you. You are your own power. You need to look--as objectively as possible--about what you're contributing to the problems. This learning is gold and it's what you gain from the relationship struggles you end up resolving and those you don't. Your power lies in what you do and don't do. You have a responsibility only for your own actions--believe me, this is hard enough. You don't get to direct your partner's choices nor are you responsible for what she does. This is her thing, her power.
Look at yourself. Examine carefully your own actions--did you talk to her about what was bothering you? Talk, not scream? Did you shut yourself and your emotions off? Did you have a hard time listening to her. Did you place her needs and desires at a high priority? Look at your behavior and learn how you can be a better partner. Listen to the accusations she threw at you, the complaints you sometimes blew off, and see what you need to change.
Relationships add to your life. They give comfort when life is difficult and challenge individuals to deal with issues that need to be dealt with. Don't think, though, that you have the power to make one work all by yourself.
