CHOSEN LAST

The majority of folk remember being chosen last when playing games at school. This can't actually have been the case because just looking at it statistically, most had to have been picked somewhere in the middle. But lots of people identify with that chosen last feeling. The memory of this childhood trauma is an indication of the challenging aspect of struggling to feel you're okay. Acceptable.

This is a big deal for most people and shouldn't be dismissed.

You may, however, be judging yourself by inappropriate measures. If you only look at those who make better grades, get more promotions or earn more money, you're missing a significant part of the picture. You may come from a family with siblings who have higher degrees and make more money.

That doesn't mean they're better than you.

The feeling of not being good enough, not being recognized as special, not being smart is an experience that most people have. It's not necessarily an accurate reflection of your personality, but its a self-perception that many people share.

Lots of individuals--highly successful by society's standard--can talk about this. They've never felt they were as good as others. Students in medical school measure themselves against other students who never seem to have to study, while others feel all they do is study. But they're forgetting that even being accepted into medical school requires a lot. Not everyone makes it. They're comparing themselves against only those who do better, not against the ones who tried, but weren't accepted into these programs.

People who are high-achievers at work, but feel they must constantly be working harder and harder...they can feel not good enough.

Maybe we've got a screwy perception of what self-esteem means. It's not about easy. The tougher aspects of life are hard for most people. We have a misconception that life ought to be easier, but the big hurdles aren't easy. Some people make it look easier...few breeze through a couple of difficult situations, but don't think that easy is easy.

When things come too easy, individuals don't learn how to persevere. This is not a fun tool to acquire, but it's significant and it'll help you more in your life than if you'd won the lottery or breezed into the best salesman spot at work.

Self-esteem isn't about not trying. It's about plugging ahead. Doing what we need to do, even when it's hard. We forget that most things worth achieving don't come without some sweat and tears.

There are individuals--and they seem to get great press--who appear to breeze through life. They bound to the top of mountains that the rest of us crawl up. They face what we see as hurdles as if these are nothing.

We hate them.

But when you're assessing yourself, don't give so much emphasis to the effort required to reach your goals that you forget having actually reached the goal. You got there. That's what counts. In very few life situations does your GPA count. When was the last time you asked your physician if she made A's, B's or C's? She's still a physician no matter which grade she got and she can still help you through some tough times.

The challenges to reaching your goals in your life can build character--that means you get stronger. Or you decide you didn't really want the goal that much. Either way you get good things from the process.

We all have challenges in life. Even if you can't see it, even the golden achiever--the person you hate and wish you were--we all struggle because that's the nature of this life.

Don't judge yourself too harshly. Don't think feeling like a loser means you are one. Just keep plugging away at what is worthwhile to you.