BULLYING...DO YOU CARE TOO MUCH?

Ask any teacher and they'll tell you that bullying is a growing problem in the school, so yes, you care. You don't want your kid picked on or harrassed. But bullying by definition refers to any overbearing person who intimidates individuals who are weaker or smaller.... This could describe your boss.

Individuals who use power to intimidate others exist through all age groups and in lots of different situations. If you're being bullied by a boss or superior of some sort--even teachers bully sometimes--your situation is complicated because you need something from this person. Continued employment or a grade to pass the course. These are situations in which you need careful consideration to choose your best response. You'll need to keep track of these events for a while, writing the incidents down, recording these with details that might validate them.

You can then resort to any recourse that is set up in the system--talk to your boss's boss or the school's hierarchy. These aren't great answers, but they can sometimes help.

If children are involved in this behavior, you as the adult should definitely talk to teachers and administration about protecting the bullied. This is their job and most are very, very concerned. They want to do everything they can to make sure students are safe and not traumatized.

I'm actually addressing this subject at the request of a teacher.

Bullying, however, by nature requires a smaller, weaker person. Because we are aware more of this problem, rules and statutes are being put into place that help rein in the bigger, meaner person. Still, it's important for the victim to realize the weak can work at being stronger. Learning to respond to this kind of thing successfully is an important part of life. Bullys tend to pick on those who have weak, victimized self-images. You can change this.

Don't think I'm blaming the victim, though. The person who terrorizes others is making choices. They get to be responsible for this.

In schools, particularly, individuals are bullied by reputation assault and this is fueled largely because kids and adolescents care a bunch about what others think of them. Kind of natural to the adolescent age group, but certainly not limited to them. Concern for others' opinion is a human thing. We want people to think well of us, but if we care too much about this and let our desire to be liked hold too much sway, we actually lose power. We give power away by letting the opinions of a sometimes select group, control our actions.

Any number of kids can tell of threatened reputation assault that they just walked away from. The most powerful action in this kind of situation may be a laugh--it has to be real enough to be convincing. If the intended victim doesn't give a flip what the bully plans to do, nothing really touches them.

In the case of physical assault or attack, of course, the strongest immediate response is recommended. TELL. Report this immediately. Don't hesistate or think this means you're weak. Don't tell yourself you can make friends with your tormentor. Report it.

Bullying is usually about wanting someone to like you or caring too much about them disliking you. Cases of individuals responding to this by killing themselves have hit the media repeatedly. After these tragedies, people are struck by how much the victim gave power to the bully. Even if bad things are posted on FaceBook and MySpace. Even if cyber-space is used in mean and hurtful ways, try to remember that this is just one reality...and it's not even the reality reality.

Life will go on and kids grow up to leave their youthful trauma-filled school days behind. You don't have to remain a victim...you need to care less.