YOU'LL DO

The most frequent reason given as to why individuals don't leave unsatisfactory relationships is that they don't want to be alone.

We live in a couple world where many see even an unhappy connection as better than no connection at all. We'd rather have miserable Valentine's Days, dissatisfied with whatever does or doesn't happen, than have no valentine to be unhappy with. This seems to hold true even when couples share few values and have widely divergent lifestyles.

We just don't want to be alone.

Human beings are typically social beings. Even if you really like alone-time and you don't do crowds of people, you still probably like human interaction one-on-one or with a few close friends. This connectivity is part of who we are, but when our only critieria for being in a relationship is that the other person has to be breathing, we sell ourselves short.

Some people hate Valentines Day because it underscores that either they have no one special in their lives or the one who's supposed to be special, isn't. For a day intended to celebrate love, Valentine's can be difficult and divisive. Lots of people feel pressured to make that one day wonderful. It seems to heighten expectations and even if one is in a generally happy relationship, knowing how best to acknowledge it can be complicated.

With the desperation to always be in a relationship, we can make foolish choices, committing to individuals who we don't feel loved by and who don't share our ideas about the future. When the relationship breaks down, people run out to get hooked up to someone else.

It's kind of like musical chairs. When the music stops, we rush to grab the closest chair...even if it's rickety and destined to fail us.

Individuals on the downside of relationship break-ups tend to rush out to hook up with anyone. Getting with someone else who wants them somehow seems to mean they're actually okay and not as lousy as the last partner believes. Some see relationships--even the unhappy ones--as a kind of validation, a confirmation that they're okay people. At least, this person wants to be with me.

We need to develop better belief in ourselves and work to create lives--single or with a significant other--that will make us happy. While relationships are complicated and challenging at moments, they're also tremendously beneficial to our well-being. We're healthy and live better lives in happy relationships, but unhappy relationships don't offer the same safeguards.

Rather than jump into the first relationship that happens along, ask yourself what you need out of a partnership...and work toward being the kind of individual you want to be.