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Rejection feels bad, so much that some individuals live their entire lives avoiding others’ disapproval. Some people are very good at this though most individuals only have modest success—triumph in this area usually comes at the expense of their own needs and desires. Still, if you’ve spent your life as the “Golden Child”, the good employee, the best friend, then you may find yourself going to extremes to stay in others’ good graces.
The cost can be high.
Still, rejection hurts. You can really struggle when you’ve put a lot of effort into keep others happy and this doesn’t work. There are plenty who’ll tell you to give up on being concerned about how other people see you, but this is a hard habit to break.
What if rejection is completely unearned? If you date someone and they treat you badly or act disinterested, their negative response may very well be their issue. Or it may fall under the just not that into you category. Still, if you’re someone who works hard at being liked, this can be unsettling.
Aren’t we supposed to make others happy? Isn’t that part of love? Part of being a good person? And being liked feels so much better than not being liked. No question about it. The issue is one of balance. If you sacrifice too much for others’ approval, you’ll end up angry with yourself and with them. Sometimes, getting approval comes at a significant cost. You might need to tolerate some rejection. If a relationship requires you to consistently sacrifice your own desires and wishes, it becomes a job. One you don’t need.
Being aware of others is a good thing, but you need to live your life according to your own values. Others have their own agendas…they want what they want. Sometimes, even good people tick others off.
You need to live your life according to your own beliefs. This means you have to actually know what you believe. Spend some time thinking about what’s important to you, what you think makes a good person. Processing this enables you to have an internal compass. You bring yourself to each situation and it’s both exciting and scary to realize you’re deciding who you are. You get to—are responsible to—construct yourself. You grew up in a certain value-set and this has a lot of influence, but the bottom line is your decisions on how to live your life.
Rejection is a crappy part of life. But it’s somewhat non-negotiable. You can’t do away with it all together, no matter how much you want to. Others are not always going to understand your positions or actions…and even if they understand, they may disagree.
Living a good life means living by your own internal integrity. You need to know what you need. What you believe.