WANT MORE/BETTER SEX?

Listen close. The secret to good sex isn't in a little blue pill or any pill.

While sex with various, sometimes random partners is the goal for some, most people just want more or better sex with their partners. This is what I'm talking about and it's really very simple--resolve the conflicts between the two of you.

That's it. No bells and whistles.

Resolution in relationships make partners feel cared for and therefore sexier. Now, learning how to resolve conflict between two different people, that part is not easy, but its worth it. While we tend to just hope the crap will go away on it's own, this is a big mistake. Don't believe it. If you guys consistently have the same issues come up over and over, there's no reason to hope these conflicts will suddenly disappear.

Sex between happy, resolved couples is usually vibrant and deeply fulfilling, not to mention more frequent.

Think about it, people who are convinced that their partners really care about what matters to them are more likely to really care about what matters to their partners. It's reciprocal and getting here requires you to deal with the emotional issues between you. Not only will this lead to good sex, it'll steer you away from the number one relationship killer...unsettled stuff.

When you have an argument and you don't feel listened to or respected, this puts a wedge between you two. Every issue, every day, the wedge gets deeper until you end up feeling divorced from the very person you once loved so much.

This is not a recipe for great sex.

Even small stuff like who cleans the house and how you deal with the kids can add up to a disconnected experience. Couples in this situation, start by feeling increasingly bored by what sex they do have. This is kind of crazy, when you think about it because sex by it's very nature isn't boring. But unresolved issues and increasing boredom in the bedroom lead couples to needing crazier and weirder sexual scenarios.

Before you get arrested for having sex in public places or fall into the whole swinging thing(which BTW doesn't lead to better relationships), learn how to really settle stuff. This is a complicated, sometimes painful process, but the results are fabulous.

First off, learn to listen. This is so not as easy as it sounds. People think they're listening when their partners report not having been heard. Try this trick. Shut your mouth when your partner is talking. Listen hard--like you're going to be tested over the material--and don't interrupt or defend yourself. Then, repeat back to your partner everything you just heard. EVEN IF YOU DISAGREE WITH WHAT WAS SAID. This is a big thing, because your partner is sure to see things differently than you and you'll feel compelled to straighten him or her out.

Don't. Just listen. And then repeat it back. If your partner stops you or corrects you when you do this, listen again to what she or he said. Again, like you're going to be tested. Listen and repeat till your partner tells you that you've got it right.

The second step is to then voice your perspective. It'll be different, of course. Don't start your sentences with YOU. Say "I feel...." and remember "I feel that you..." is still starting the sentence with YOU.

When you attack or blame the other person, they don't have the urge to either listen or to then later take their clothes off with you.

Start by listening. It's big.