BAD SEXUAL DECISIONS?

There are the girls on SEX AND THE CITY and a bunch of sleazy websites who choose sexual partners purely for the erotic buzz they think they'll get, but do you know why you make the sexual choices you do?

Why do you sleep with whoever you sleep with? Of course, "sleep with" is a code term for doing the nasty/getting down and dirty with/exchanging bodily fluids with or the more clinical term--having sexual intercourse with.

Let's not get into the Clinton/Lewinsky debate over what sexual relations are, okay?If an intimate part of your body touch someone else's mouth/hand/sexual part, let's call it sex.

Do you know why you have sex with whoever you're having sex? Sexual decisions are tremendously complicated. It's sometimes beyond our comprehension why we are attracted to the people to whom we're attracted, but we really need to explore this. Understanding what flips your switch will help you have less of the morning-after regret and a healthier life both physically and emotionally.

There is of course the very old school--"get married before messing around" approach. Individuals adhering to this see sex as part of an emotional and usually religious partnership. Parents who're freaked out by the thought of their kids making sexual decisions of any kind usually preach this mantra to their teens: marriage then sex. This was a very typical sexual decision making requirement in the days before divorce became so sadly common. It offered the semblance of security and permanence and chastity.

Not so much anymore.

While marriage is a commitment within which sex can be a very intense emotional connection, nowadays people strip down to their bare-nothings on hardly more than a handshake. There is the often quoted "three date" rule that states couples should get physically intimate after seeing each other three times. Lots of folks view this as a fairly cautious approach, since they don't go out three times with someone they're not interested in.

This is a silly viewpoint, in that you can't know a person within three dates. Don't fool yourself. No deep or serious connection can be forged in that short an acquaintance. You can feel a lot for another person after this duration of acquaintance, but you don't know them.

Still others, go home with interesting sexual partners upon the first meeting. Go clubbing and you'll see any number of people who do this. Making sexual decisions based on the tingling of private parts may seem like a good idea, but you need to really protect yourself--both sexually and otherwise--if this is your typical behavior. This is stranger sex at it's most up front. You didn't pull up a hook-up website; you went to a bar, downed a few appletinis to lower your inhibitions and went eeny-meeny-moe.

Whether you find a person to date through friends or your church or a dating website, you need to know why you make the sexual choices you make. Knowledge puts you in charge. I'm big-time into you being in charge of your own life. Self-knowledge is empowering. Scary, too, sometimes, but ultimately empowering.

Illegal situations aside, sex involves a decision. How do you decide who you get in bed with?