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This may seem obvious, but maybe your parents fought all the time and everyone you know has husbands or wives who go through their phones or grill them on who they're talking to. Maybe it doesn't occur to you not to feel jealous.
So, this is how a bad relationship looks--
Physical confrontations. Maybe you were drinking, maybe you said something you shouldn't have. Still, hitting is not love.
You don't want the same things in life (and I mean the big things). You don't agree on where to live, how to spend your time or what's most important.
No real support. In loving relationships, your success is important to your mate. (He says he wants you to go to grad school and get that professional degree, but he expects you to make as much money as he does while you're doing it.)
Cheating (Maybe it's him. Maybe it's you). You might still love one another, but doing the horizontal mambo with a third party means there's real trouble in relationship-ville.
It's always your fault. How come it's always your responsibility when the two of you fight? Does that seem fair? Who gave you all the power?
Your needs don't seem that important. If you're a problem drinker, why does she want to keep liquor in the house?
You don't enjoy each other anymore. If it's a pain to come home, then you've got serious trouble here. Any relationship has challenging moments. Can you give yours a percentage, and if it's less than fifty, can you say why you're staying? Even at a 50%, the relationship needs serious work.
Loving relationships make you a better person. They may also make you furious and insane, at times, but if your partner helps you be a better person, that's love. Whether we're talking achieving in school, at work or spiritually, loving relationships add to your life.
Ask yourself if your relationship really contributes to your well-being. There may be reasons it's inconvenient to leave. You may have a problem admitting it failed, but maintaining a bad relationships doesn't make it a success.
If you answer the question "Why are you still in the relationship?" with something like "We get along sometimes," then you're in the middle of a bad relationship. Don't tell yourself it's better for you or your kids to stay in this situation.
Not all bad relationships turn physical. Still, if you only have two or three things on this list that fit your relationship, you still need to take a good, hard look at why you're with the one you're with.
Do your part to fix it. Get therapy. Or leave.
