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Want to lessen the possibility of a break-up? Does the thought of getting a divorce make you queasy? With correct care and feeding, your relationship can prosper and flourish indefinitely. You need to pay attention not only to the one you love, but to yourself, as well.
We live in a time of rapid relationship turn-over. Despite the climbing divorce rate(and that doesn't include the broken relationships that weren't ever legalized), people are still getting married. They are marrying younger and, over a lifetime, racking up more broken marriages. Some sources claim the wedding industry is a $70 billion dollar business. More and more of these are remarriages.
Still, we crave permanence in relationships. You want to keep loving the one you love. And you want him to keep loving you. Ironically, the very thing you try to avoid in your relationship can actually help to bond your relationship together. If you want preventive maintenance in your marriage, fight.
Argue, but do it well.
The primary way to avoid a break-up is to deal with disagreements as they come up. Don't let these fester! This means more than making kissy face and offering the automatic apology. Don't apologize if you don't think you screwed up. Instead, you need to talk about it. If you understand that even people who're really in love sometimes disagree, you can work towards seeing her side of things and getting her to understand how you see things. Really seeing the other guy's point of view is crucial.
One of the big barriers here is that you both think your view of whatever conflict situation is completely accurate. Even if you "agree to disagree"-- which is a total side-stepping of the issue--you still haven't reached understanding. Ask yourself why your mate believes or feels strongly about the issue. More importantly, ask your mate this! Then listen. Listen really hard. Her perspective has validity. She's got some valid points and you acknowledging this doesn't mean you're wrong. You most likely both have good points.
A crucial part of resolving conflict in a relationship is knowing why you're upset. Really work on knowing yourself. If you don't understand why you're miffed, how can you expect her to?
Even if one of you did mess up, you had a reason for what you did and that reason needs to be explored. Even if the action or statement was screwed up, you had a reason for doing what you did. Understanding why you feel the way you do and act the way you do can loosen the deadlock. Suddenly, you're not cemented in your opposition. If you're working to understand each other, you're both actually on the same side. Everything is flip-flopped and you're not battling anymore.
This doesn't mean you agree with everything your partner is saying. Some of it will be crap, just basically not true stuff. He may believe things about you--why you said what you said, how you felt about something--that's flat out wrong. Not because he hates you and thinks you’re the devil, but because he's not remembering how much you want him to be okay. You want the best for her, right? Sometimes, this can be hard to remember.
So, get into the battle. Talk about it. Listen to what she's saying. Try very hard to see the other guy's point of view. Don't make the mistake of thinking that conflict just goes away. It doesn't. It goes underground and festers, which is a really bad thing if you want the relationship to continue.
Talk about your disagreements. It's that or eventually call a lawyer and no one really wants to go there.