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Monday, October 8, 2007

Scared of Your Anger?

Why of all human emotions do we feel the need to "manage" anger? There are no classes to help you avoid the mistakes you make under the influence of joy or confusion, and let's be real, sometimes they're bad choices. The emotion of anger, however, is associated with bad behavior, like beating the crap out of your romantic rival…and sometimes even the one you love. For many, anger equates to acting out destructively. Sadness, fear, inadequacy, depression--these are feelings you don't always enjoy, but they aren't nearly as upsetting to most people as anger.

The problem isn't the anger. Anger is not a bad emotion. Sometimes it's very appropriate.

Feel the feeling. It's okay. You don't automatically act nuts just because you're upset. Life normally brings a range of feelings to everyone. It's natural to get irritated, annoyed or frustrated, just as you get dismayed, bewildered and giddy. The problem isn't the emotion; the problem is how you respond to feeling. Destructive behaviors are unacceptable, not feelings. Yes, you want to put your fist through the wall when you find your girlfriend cheated on you. You may even have the urge to scream at her until she's deaf.

There are much better alternatives.

You don't like feeling angry--or sad or confused, for that matter--but emotions can be very helpful. They bring information, they help us see changes we need to make. Feelings can shove you into recognizing what's going on with you.

If you have a highly stressful job that doesn't add to your general sense of well-being, you need to take action, not kick the boss' rear end. Feeling angry a lot should tell you to attend to this. Make a change! You probably have a lot of reasons why you have to stay in this job. In fact, you'd probably argue that you have no choice.

Feeling like you have no choice is one of the biggest fuels for over-the-top anger. No one likes to be trapped. Whether in a job or in a relationship, you need to see a way to make your life better. You need to feel some control over your own experience. Make sure you are looking at all your options. Scaling back your financial commitments to enable you to find more agreeable work is an option you've probably dismissed. Look at it again. In fact, look at all your options again, even the ones that seem unacceptable at first.

Take your feelings into account.

Life decisions--jobs, relationships, family issues--are best made out of logic as well as emotion, but you need to feel your feelings in order to see the whole picture.

Studies show, again and again, that your physical well-being is greatly impacted by how you live your emotional life. You don't have to be overwhelmed or driven by your feelings, but you need to feel them.