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In this world of multiple marriages and repetitious divorces, the rapidity of making romantic commitments--particularly among the young--is increasing. Individuals at one time hesitated to use the word "love" in a relationship due to the implied commitment. Commitment was, for some, a big, scary word and divorce signified failure. These days, however, divorce is sadly common and commitments are made to be broken.
Everyone seems to be looking for someone to call their own. Today's 15-to-25 year olds have most likely grown up with Mom's current "friend" stumbling out of her bedroom in the morning. Their dads may be working on a fourth or fifth marriage. At the very least, they have girlfriends they've dated for five years. This doesn't mean, however, that singles have given up on the idea of relationships that last forever. There seems to be an even greater need to find someone and jump quickly into intimacy with that someone. Sex happens on the first date and "love" is slipped on like an old, comfy robe.
We want to be loved…to be in love. The alternative of being alone, even with a group of good friends, seems scary and even dysfunctional in today's world. Everyone's looking for an anchor, someone to check-in with at the end of the day. Even if you don't live with your current significant other, you want someone to care whether or not you call.
As a culture, we seem to be moving away from the fascination of easy sex with the "freedom" of no commitments. There's no question that a major part of our population still finds sex fun and fascinating. Good sexual interaction is a significant part of a solid relationship, but it's not a great substitute for a relationship, we're finding.
Still…relationships? They're conflicted and confusing and always complex. Sustaining a good relationship is difficult, but we crave them. Talk about them. Obsess over them. Chase them.
We want connection.
Today's twenty-somethings tend to see the excitement that was once aroused by the use of the word "love" to be silly. That particular word is frequently used in the first week or two of a relationship. The power that once came with a declaration of love is now over-used and thus, a devalued currency. The experience of being loved and in-love is still something we hunger for, though, but we don't have a clue how to find, or experience, actual love.
So, what's a lonely single to do? These days the answer seems to be--find someone who seems "nice" and get engaged while still in the rosy, romantic stage of dating.
Friends and family may privately know that this is a connection formed between strangers. They may even counsel against diving head first into marriage, but they're usually ignored or dismissed. Sadly, quick engagements often lead to quick marriages between people who don't know how to love one another.
The truth that makes us uncomfortable is that real love requires a knowledge of one another. You cannot love someone whom you do not know. It is impossible. The reality of this can lead to some tremendously sad discoveries.
Even if the girl you married isn't an axe murderer, you may find that she doesn't want the same life you do or she can't understand your relationship with your family or your particular style of communication. Love is a fascinating, gripping, fulfilling experience. It has to be given energy, in the form of communication, and action. It takes knowledge of one another.
Conflict resolution strengthens and solidifies good, healthy relationships. Conflict resolution takes real and true knowledge of yourself and your loved one.
Loving, committed relationships can be achieved, just not in a week or a month. Probably not even in six months. It can, however, be done.
