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When bottles were given and diapers needed to be changed, moms did it. Even in this day of diaper changing stations in men’s rest rooms, it’s not uncommon to see the moms toting the baby carriers, sitting the young child’s high chair next to mom during meals out at restaurants and talk of fathers’ “baby sitting” their own children.
Research repeatedly tells us that fathers are very important to their children. Having an active, involved dad influences whether kids go to college and has a significant impact on emotional and social wellbeing. Dads matter, but just being in the home won’t produce the good things in kids. Children need to have active parents. Fathers often involve themselves in their kids’ sports activities and this can be great, if dads remember that the point of kids’ sports is the kids experience. It is unfortunate that parents—moms and dads—get so wound up in the winning and losing that their childrens sports end up with the parents yelling at and belittling their children.
Being an active, involved dad
means more than going to the kids’ games. Ask about their school experience and
offer yourself to assist if the child is open. (Remember, your childs’s
academic attainments are not about you; they are about your child learning how
to handle life.) You actually need to interact with your children about a
variety of things. Play with them—some people love playing games with their
children, some love watching kid-friendly television together.
My husband was a rough-and-tumble
play dad. Research also tells us that dads are more likely than moms to engage
in this kind of play and this was certainly the case in our family. Roger
really played with our kids. He’s a very kinesthetic person—a physical guy—and my
girls learned to both play and watch sports with him. When they were small, he
tossed them in the air and caught them with great ease and skill. My daughters
talk fondly of playing with dad.
I came from a very different parenting background. My father was a hard worker who had little time for a girl. He supported our family financially and he was a great provider, but he was a sideline dad, leaving the actual child care to my mother. I loved Roger playing with our girls. I sat and applauded and took lots and lots of pictures.
Kids need active dads. Don’t just think of yourself as a paycheck. They need you to be in their lives, laughing and playing. Disciplining them when this is called for. They need you and you’ll get a thousand tremendous moments from sharing yourself with them.
Roger flipping Ferrin
