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One of the greatest joys of love is that it feeds the heart and makes the loved one--friend, lover or child--hugely significant to you. Whatever happens to whomever you love, you're impacted. Good or bad, it matters. Whatever that loved one chooses to do, also matters.
It is important here to make the distinction between "Love" as a feeling (and, remember, emotions shift) and "Love" as an commitment: a choice. The second of these involve actions. When love is a commitment, you generally act in a loving manner. These two, both emotion and commitment, may be found in one relationship…or not. The emotion of love can be experienced as easily as you seeing a really hot-looking girl on the elevator and from then on you're "in love" with her. Or, for that matter, you might find a great frozen yogurt shop you "love!"
Love as a choice, however, will probably alter your actions and how you live your life.
Disregarding the fleeting experience of infatuation, genuine love brings a determination to act in a loving manner. Don't kid yourself, if you don't place the best interests of those you care about at a high value, then you don't love.
Real love isn't easy or easily disconnected from. Love may bring incredible joy and a powerful rush, but it is also accompanied by a tremendous susceptibility. No one can hurt you like the one you love.
The intense investment in relationships leaves you open, even when you don't necessarily want to be vulnerable. We can see this in healthy, functional relationships, as well as, relationships which are dysfunctional to the point of being abusive. Few people really, overall, want to hurt the ones they love. But angry, hurtful words or hurtful physical actions usually take place when people feel vulnerable in a relationship. "Abusers" are generally trying to keep loved ones from behaviors which seem threatening, or are retaliating for a perceived-harm that's been done to them. This is not a defense of hurtful behaviors. Attacking words or physical violence are never okay and never effective.
It is sad, however, that you do tend to hurt the ones you love. Love leads to vulnerability, as well as a lot of other wonderful, fulfilling experiences. Individuals don't usually struggle with the warm, fuzzy up-lifting moments. Vulnerability, on the other hand, can be scary as hell.
The kicker to love-vulnerability is that even though you are tremendously impacted by the actions of the ones you love, you don't get to tell them what to do. Even if you're hurt by their actions, you still don't have control over their lives. When you're in a loving relationship, you get to choose your actions. Love is not about control. You do, however, get to tell loved ones how you're impacted by their choices. It is also your decision how you're with them--how you actually choose to involve yourself in the relationship interaction. You even get to choose the hardest thing of all…you can choose get out of the relationship. But you don't get to control the people you love.
Most individuals don't want to end their love relationships, however. The desire to hang on to the relationship usually motivates attempts to control the behaviors which seem threatening..attempts to control the person. It's understandable. You just want them to see what they're "doing to" you, to see the impact of their actions due to your vulnerability because you love them. But love ends when control enters the picture.
Some people try to avoid getting hurt by never letting themselves really care for someone else. However understable, this is sad. Love brings nurturing to our souls and we can't let the vulnerability that comes with it lead us to choices and actions we regret. Sometimes, you'll get hurt. It's one of the crappy parts of life. Not loving, though, leaves your heart in worse shape.