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As parents, we want everything wonderful for our kids. And they are amazing. They say the funniest things. They figure out tough situations that we’d never expected them to be able to deal with. They get great grades in math when we suck in math. They are beautiful, intelligent creatures.
But we lie to our children if we tell them they can do anything.
The desire to remove limitations is understandable. You may not have achieved your desires…possibly because some adult told you to “get serious” about your future. Maybe you majored in accounting when you wanted a career in music or you settled for a path in business because someone told you that biology was too hard. You’d never make it through medical school.
Maybe you’ve been there for your kids (like grown-ups weren’t there for you). You want to believe that this has made a big difference. You want your children to struggle less than you have. But don’t let yourself believe they won’t struggle in life. Struggle is a part of the human experience, an admittedly sucky part, but still a reality. If you are human, you will struggle. No matter how good your parents were or whether you drove a decent car and went to a good college.
Kids particularly can’t be certain of achieve something that depends on others, as well as they’re own efforts. Some things they can't make happen, no matter how much they want them to. Relationships, for instance, can only be successful if both individuals put forth significant effort. This is just a reality. Personal development involves recognizing personal limitations and areas that need growth.
This kind of growth is a life-long endeavor. We’ll never run out of ways to improve ourselves. It is the effort, the putting forth energy toward developing oneself that needs to be prized, not the reaching of goals. Sometimes you can’t make a situation or a relationship work. Sometimes there are limitations.
It is understandable to want your kid to pursue their dreams. If you did go after what you wanted and ended up achieving it, you may also tell your children they too can achieve their greatest goals. It's the going after goals that will enrich their lives, not necessarily the attainment of them all. Striving for something desired is a good and healthy thing. Knowing they might not reach their goals is invaluable knowledge. Knowing this failure doesn't make them lousy people and that life can still be good--maybe will be the better for what they've learned through failure--this is the important stuff.
Many things can be achieved through hard work. Just don’t forget to mention the hard work part and that, no matter how hard they work, some things will not be achieved. This doesn’t mean life is worthless or not fulfilling. Some dreams are a disappointment, once reached. Some people have unrealistic goals.
Kids need to see that striving for something doesn’t mean automatic success and they need to recognize that failure in a pursuit doesn’t mean worthlessness. They need to keep plugging away.
Don’t lie to them. Life is challenging and frustrating and can be very fulfilling. Failing is a part of being engaged in the process.
