THE 3RD DATE RULE

The fallacy behind this is the assumption that you will know your dates by the third time you see him. Most relationships break-up over conflicts in how money is handled, followed closely by sex, children, in-laws and religion. I'd guess that disagreements over who does household chores make a close sixth.

Really...how much of this do you know about a person after the third date?

When the 3rd date rule is called in to play, individuals almost always have their sites set on creating relationships. They say they're looking for someone to share their lives with. That's the goal, not just sex.

The longing for emotional and sexual connection is almost universal. It's human nature to want to love and be loved. Lots of singles--and some marrieds!--populate a slew of on-line dating sites, looking for that intimate connection. Someone special. This primal search for mates has evolved into including the 3rd date rule for sex. Some individuals extend this to five dates, but that's no better than three.

If you want to jump into getting intimate with a guy you don't know--and there are people who seek this kind of non-intimate intimacy--just go for it. Why wait three dates? Sex with strangers provides limited benefits, but some people seek this because they view it as less emotionally risky. If they relegate intercourse to the level of, say, tennis, there is less chance of getting hurt.

For most people sexual intimacy changes relationships. Sex complicates things when the emotions in physical intimacy become part of the mix. Too-early and the activity can burden interactions with all kinds of expectations. While the term "dating" once meant spending time with a person and didn't imply any commitment, now dating usually involves sex and there is almost always expectation of faithfulness. Going outside the dating relationship for sex, whether it be physical or not, is considered cheating.

Sex is rarely simple--lots of people want it to be and some use porn because it offers eroticism without relationship. But the complications of sexual interaction--the feelings that come with it--also bring a richer reward: You matter to someone. Porn can't give you that.

We have our most intense emotions with those we love, both the warm, snuggly kind and the scary mad kind. We are our best and worst with the ones we love the most--those who are closest to the volcano, so to speak. Relationships are highly complicated and the struggle to work these out is universal. They offer not only the intense release of sexual interaction, but the chance to learn what we need to learn. We learn best in relationships and we hurt the most when they splinter.

Having healthy relationships requires us to learn to listen(this is much more difficult than it sounds) and to talk about our own feelings and desires. We have to learn to do these things in order to maintain good interactions, to keep feeling close and connected over the long-haul.

The hardest things we do in this world are relationship-oriented: parenting and marriage. Harder than brain surgery and rocket science. Think of it this way--you deserve the mess involved in loving someone. Relationships are difficult and annoying, but the rewards are tremendous. Not just better sex, but a better you. You learn about yourself and about how to interact better with others. Relationships teach us amazing things.

Just don't think you're going to get there by the 3rd date.