VALENTINE LOVE

Valentine's is a day of big expectation and a certain amount of stress. This is sad because love is supposed to refresh, comfort and renew. But that often isn't the reality for some. So, here's a prescription--

Ask What Makes Your Love Feel Loved

A surprising number of people can't accurately say what makes their special person feel special. This is not because you don't love the person, but because we humans tend to see the world from our own view points. We know what makes us feel loved, but not necessarily what triggers our loved one to feel loved. Some, but not all, really appreciate getting red roses--delivered at work for all to see.

Do you know what makes your lover get all warm and gooey inside?

I strongly suggest you ask and ask seriously. Give your lover some time to think about this because you don't want a flip answer. You really want to know what works for your loved one. Don't expect that this will be the same thing that makes your knees buckle. We all have wonderful individuality and this goes for the Valentines thing, too.

Some people love getting diamonds, but some couldn't care less. I think it's important not to criticize either way.

Accept That Your Loved One is Different From You

This is a big, big deal. Just because you love hiking through the mountains--and your loved one does this with you--doesn't mean he loves it, too. He might really prefer vacations at the beach. Let him be different, even if you don't get it.

I may have mentioned it here, but my husband loves sports. I've often said that if a ball is involved, he's there. This may be an exaggeration, but not by much. He loves football and baseball and softball, just to mention a few. I, on the other hand, play a mean game of Trivial Pursuit or Word With Friends. That's about as competitive as I get, but this doesn't mean we don't like one another. He makes me laugh like no one else and he loves me like no one else. I have many examples of his love, but the fact that I drive a really fast, hot car--that he helped me get--is example enough.

Let your lover be different from you.

Listen, Listen, Listen

This can't be said enough because most of us suck at listening.We hear what we think they're saying, not what they're actually saying. Test this out--ask your loved one a question about a hot topic. Then see if you can repeat back to your lover what he or she said to you. You may have to give this several tries before you can do it because we tend to hear the noise in our own heads more than the words of the person talking to us.

When you love, you want the very best for the other person, even if that complicates your own life some. This is particularly hard when 'the very best' means different things to the two of you.

Find out what works for your special person. Then Valentine's Day will be a lot easier. If he likes buying diamonds, but she couldn't care less, love means foregoing the jewelry and doing what she wants.

Hopefully, she'll love you this way, too.