CONVENIENCE STORE COMFORT

A client of mine recently spoke about his depression and his tendency to isolate himself. The one thing he did regularly was to visit a convenience store near his home. He liked to go there and get a drink, talk to the clerks and, in that way, get out of himself and his dark moments for just a little.

In a world with troubled, flawed relationship interactions, our brief personal contacts gain an even greater value. We human beings are very impacted by small moments. A study of this years ago had librarians make fleeting physical contact with some patrons--a brief tough of fingers when books were passed back and forth--and then these library patrons were interviewed as they exited the building. Those in the group that were briefly touched by the librarians had a significantly higher opinion of the library services. The only difference in the groups studied was that touch.

We crave and value human contact, both physical and social. We also struggle with this very thing. Relationships can be conflicted and unpleasant, but we need them, of some sort.

It is central to human nature--many many studies confirm this--to feel better, to value life more, to be more optimistic, when we have some level of positive interactions with other human beings. This can be seen in the large number of ways we seek involvement with people from the vast numbers of singles looking for relationships on dating websites, to the rallying behind winning sports teams, the involvement in clubs focusing on various hobbies and activities, the flourishing of social interaction on Facebook(and similar sites) and even in the tendency some have to engage in random sexual contact through sex clubs.

We all want to be significant to someone, to be winners, to feel we're not alone.

Recognize this about yourself and learn to satisfy your own needs in ways that fit your lifestyle and values. Even self-help groups like AA have a big social component. The thinking behind this is that individuals helping individuals can ease the struggles of all. Reaching out to other people helps us feel better.

This can become burdensome when we struggle to craft a social interaction that fits our needs. You might start this off by recognizing the interactions you do have. Even as small an interchange as smiling as you pass by others can lift your spirits and bring you positive social response. The smiling thing is way bigger than you may think. In general, we rush along tending to the business of our lives and fail to even acknowledge those around us. Strangers in large cities may have learned not to respond to random folk, but being nice to a store clerk or a waiter isn't likely to draw you into an unwanted interaction.

Look at the people around you. They need interaction, too. Like you, they are hesitant to initiate what may be unwelcome notice, but this is a risk that can bring big rewards. Try it out. You can start in the most innocuous ways...just smile. Make the slightest of contacts with the person who gives you your change. You're not demanding anything, just offering. Not everyone will respond. Some are too caught up in their own lives and we don't need to condemn them. But others will smile back or thank you more warmly for your business.

Let yourself be a gift to the people who come into contact with you. You'll benefit, too.