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My feelings used to involve anger and, like I mentioned at some point, pure carelessness, but lately I feel absolutely nothing, but sadness. Suicide has never crossed my mind. My sister has attempted it in the past and I just couldn't put my family through that again. No one knows about my problems, or at least no one has ever really said anything. But I can't keep hiding, not do I want to. I can't continue to live my life in the dark. What can I do to help myself?"--Sad and Scared
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Dear Sad,
Okay, this may seem like the wrong question, but why are you hiding this from your family? I don't want you to continue this way, either. You deserve much, much better. You may be an adult now--just having turned twenty--but you've been dealing with this alone for seven years? You talk about not wanting to put your family through the trauma associated with a child attempting suicide and I'm all for you not attempting to hurt yourself further, but why has no one noticed the eating disorders, the drugs and depression.
You need to get a big sign and wave it in front of your parents--I Need Help!!
Sometimes kids keep their problems a secret because they think their parents don't care, but more often kids hide their own stresses because they think parents are already overwhelmed with their own issues. If this is the case, you might feel you need to find help on your own. You might even be trying to carry the load for your troubled sister or your parents. Either way, you need and deserve someone to help you.
If you're insured, find your list of covered providers and immediately start calling for an appointment. The holidays are fraught with people desperately trying to feel what they don't feel. They cancel appointments with therapists or call with great unhappiness. This is the moment for you to make an appointment. If you don't have insurance, many caring providers and agencies offer a sliding scale fee that's adjusted to your income.
Don't wait any longer. Don't tell yourself to just "get over it". You don't have to feel this way. Find a therapist to understand your feelings and help you find ways to crawl out of this nightmare.
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This is the time of year when Guilt is mixed in with the gift-giving and party-going. Whether you feel you should (but don't) like relatives because they share the same blood or whether you tend to buy expensive gifts because you feel you ought, guilt is not a good enough reason to do any of this.
The holidays come with high expectations. You may feel pressured to make others happy or to act happy when you're not or to hang around people you really don't like. You may even feel relieved when January second rolls around because then, at least, you don't have to pretend affections you don't feel.
Others may have called you a Scrooge...you may fear that you are one.
I'm going to suggest something really shocking--don't spend time with people you don't like, even if your parents or siblings fit this description. Don't buy gifts for people you don't like (unless this will have major job consequences that you're not ready for). Don't go places you don't want to go, celebrate with people you don't care about or pretend feelings you don't have.
If anything, this season is supposed to be about honesty.
Be with those you love. Guilt isn't a good enough reason to spend your life hating your life.
