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Forgiving an offense or a breach of relationship can be healing to the victim, but rushing into forgiveness doesn’t make the hurt go away. It just goes underground and you still struggle to move forward with your life.
Hatred and rage damage the person harboring those feelings. Going forward from that experience is important, but make sure you’re ready to stop feeling resentment.
It is natural and reasonable to feel ill will when one has suffered a grievance. Being pissed makes sense in these situations. Feeling the emotions that come with an offense actually can help you incorporate your experience into a functional future life. You need to feel this pain in order to eventually feel happiness.
Denial stops the healing.
In order to truly move forward, you need to acknowledge and accept the emotions you have. If you’ve suffered at the hands of another person, you’re naturally going to feel furious. Don’t push this away or think you’re a bad person. Your reaction makes sense, given the circumstances.
Be angry. Be really, really angry.
The emotion of anger is, in itself, not bad or dangerous. Actions can be bad, but feelings are just feelings. Being upset or disappointed or hurt may not be pleasant, but you still need to accept these emotions.
Sometimes, you might feel down deep that you deserve this. That you’ve somehow brought this on yourself, that you’re not a good person yourself. These emotions are natural, but the beliefs about yourself are probably crap. Unless suffering is a direct consequence of your own actions, it’s not deserved.
After anger, you might feel hurt and sadness. Sometimes, you might be aware of all three. At some point, you’ll probably start thinking about the offender. In order to do something bad to another person, he has to feel pretty bad about himself. Whether this involves cheating, lying or murder, human beings don’t hurt others unless they’ve got issues themselves.
Even when you’re suffering from the offense done to you, you can recognize the misery in another person. Even if they’re suffering as a result of their own choices, it’s still sad.
Allow yourself your own feelings. Then, maybe, you’ll be ready to forgive.
