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Saying more than you should say—there’s even an acronym for it. T.M.I. or Too Much Information. Sometimes, you find yourself saying stuff better left unspoken. Do you over-share?
Certain confidences fall in this category. Talking about sexual adventures—particularly with details or even photos—is inappropriate in most situations. There are some things other people just don’t want to know. Like the gory details of your appendectomy operation or a blow-by-blow of your latest failed relationship, some information is best left unshared. Do we really need to know how much you spent on your last car or what you paid(or didn’t pay) the I.R.S. last year?
If you’ve found yourself telling individuals who’re not really all that close to you, how you scammed the guy who bought your broken-down SUV or how you got your girlfriend to let you video your sex, you’re over-sharing. Even you blurting out who you have the hots for can be embarrassing to the listener. The ins and outs of your complicated relationship with your mother (or your boss) may be far from appropriate for conversation with casual friends. And the woman you’ve just started dating doesn’t care, either. You might be saying things others don’t want to hear.
So, what’s up with that?
If you’re likely to be called before a Grand Jury, complete truthfulness is probably called for. In that situation, details would be appropriate, but talking to the stranger in the seat next to you on a business trip to Phoenix is probably not such a good idea.
We’re not always clear on what needs to be shared and what doesn’t. That can lead to unfortunate confidences. This is sometimes a factor in a situation when you’re not all that mentally clear, like when you’ve drank too much or you’re on pain medication for falling off a ladder. But sometimes, we can share too much personal stuff when we’re trying to deepen a friendship or push a relationship into new levels of intimacy. When you want to feel close to someone, you might tell them more than they want to hear. Or tell them things you later regret.
Some secrets seem to burn inside you, bursting out. Just telling someone seems to bring relief. This can be very true. There are secrets that need to be told. But when you find yourself unburdening to random co-workers, acquaintances or near-strangers, you need to find a better listener. There are people who’re trained to respect your confidences and help you sort through your own feelings about your secret. Or your conflicts.
Give your friends and acquaintances a break. You deserve to have someone who wants to hear what you have to say. Over-sharing makes simple social interaction awkward and won’t yield you the results you’re looking for.
