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Delaying a relationship commitment until you’re sure? You might want to rethink this. Rushing into living with the person you’re dating or marrying quickly can be a mistake, but the opposite can be true, too.
Dating the same person for years with no real commitment smacks of unaddressed, unresolved issues or plain, old, knee-knocking fear. You might want to be sure, but there’s no way to guarantee that this person is the one for you. Break-ups are painful and frustrating. You might want to find a way to avoid these, but never making a commitment won’t do it.
Some relationships are deeply flawed and, if you’re paying attention, you’ll probably know this early. You just might not want to admit it to yourself. There are probably things about this person that are great. You’d miss the person if he were totally gone from your life, so you hang on. If you’re honest with yourself, you may be delaying dealing with this relationship because you don’t want to be alone.
A flawed relationship can seem better than no relationship, at all. You might be biding your time until something better comes along.
If this isn’t true and you don’t want another other relationship, other than the one you have, you need to deal with your fear. It’s time to re-evaluate the commitment issue. Whether this means marriage or a statement of “I don’t believe in legal marriage, but I’m completely committed to this relationship” is totally up to you. Either way, commitment in a relationship can function to move you both into a different place.
Once you’re not dealing with the issue of whether or not you’ll be with her next week, other important things can become the focus. Committed relationships have a different flavor than uncommitted ones. When you’re solidly in a relationship, you begin to face conflict differently. It’s no longer a question of “if” you’ll deal with whatever issue, it’s more a question of “how” you’ll come to terms.
Learning to work through conflict with the person most intimately connected to you is tremendously educational and very healthy. You’ll learn a bunch. In order to successfully deal with disagreements, you have to learn to hear her concerns. You also have to express your own. This process is very different than just yelling at one another or breaking up and getting back together when you miss her.
Conflict with a loved one isn’t fun. It feels lousy and most people hate it. Without this, though, individuals don’t learn. You won’t know how to listen(even when you’re mad) and you won’t know how to say what’s really bothering you(without calling names and going off on tangents).
So, either dive in or walk away. Fish or cut bait.
Commitment can be your friend.
