SCHOOL STARTS

For many, this has been a week of transitions. Summer is over(at least according to the calendar), and our children are moving ahead--sometimes it feels like they're moving away from us. Whether we're dropping a confused kindergartner off or taking an eighteen year-old freshman to college, we're watching them move ahead. This is a reality for parents. Children are developing constantly, their needs and our parenting roles are always changing.

School zone lights begin to flash and public pools close as children return to the classroom. Is your child ready? I'm not referring to backpacks and sharpened pencils, but to the dilemma many face about when to start their children in school and what kind of setting would be best. When my eldest child approached the age of six, we thought hard about what was best for her. She's a very kinesthetic, physical child and she didn't seem ready to sit attentively in a desk for hours. So, we held her back a year, starting her a little later than her peers.

Now, parents of athletic, sports-oriented children sometimes do this--called "red-shirting"--to help them have a head start on their peers. Whether this seems fair is a matter that's been considered, but it's just one instance of the challenges in raising children.

More than ever, parents consider whether to send their children to public schools, private schools(of different kinds) or to teach them at home. All of these can produce healthy, well-educated kids, but not all are best for all children. Some kids run eagerly into their schools, loving the learning environment and the social interaction. Some hang back.

As does everything else in the parenting experience, knowing the best thing for your child isn't always easy. My husband remembers his mother and he dropping his older brother off at school and, as he's three years younger than his brother, this seemed very scary to him. He laughingly recalls asking his mother not to "do this" to him.

As parents, we're frequently faced with the dilemma how how to be supportive and loving, while still scrutinizing the situations into which we thrust our kids. What's best for the child, isn't always what she wants to do. (For that matter, the same thing can be said for us. I don't want to climb on the elliptical in the mornings, but it's best for me.)

I have vivid memories of dropping my teenaged daughter off at one of her first jobs. It's good for kids to work because it helps them to know what they want as they enter into adulthood(job vs. school) and it helps them feel competent(I earned a paycheck!) But my daughter hated this job. Her employers treated her fairly, but the job itself had some difficult aspects. Still, she stuck it out until she was old enough to apply for a different, more congenial job. I don't recall her even considering quitting the hated job(although she might have done this). I just know I hated dropping her off, knowing how she felt.

I think this is one of the more difficult parts of parenting--doing what's good for the child, even when your child doesn't like it. Whether this be dropping the kid off at college or taking him to the physician to get his immunizations--doing the right thing can be difficult.

Children can love or hate school starting and parents can also have different responses to this transition. You might not like your kid being anxious about going to class, but you may be really relieved that summer vacation is over. Particularly if you had whining kids who "never had anything fun to do" or if you rushed around from summer camp to summer camp, trying to supply them with enriching experiences. It can take a lot out of you.

Life is full of transitions, never more so than in childhood. There are lots of challenges and lots of possibilities. Good luck in handling both.