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You love your kids and want to protect them from all the bad things in this world. You know you can't, but you want to. When you're really objective, you know your kids have to deal with the stuff that isn't always fun in life, sometimes its downright crappy. So, what's a parent to do?
Tiffany loves her twenty-five year old son and would do anything for him. She's sent him to the best private schools(thank heaven, she can afford them) and an exclusive college. When he finally graduated a year ago, she thought he was set to have a good life--good education, good job, nice home. And he did get a job earning a fairly good income, but now he still seems to need her to bail him out when he gets in over his head financially. He goes out partying with his friends a lot and dates a new woman every few months. When is he going to settle down? Last month, he was out late, drinking with his friends, and got a DUI. She's got him a good lawyer, but Tiffany wonders when her son is going to grow up.
Parenting needs to be a combination of two modes: Hold and Release. Knowing when to do which is the tricky part.
Kids need your love. They need encouragement and, mostly, they need you to believe they can handle life. They also need you to let them deal with decisions and consequences themselves. One of the hardest parts of parenting is the Release part--letting your kids deal with the consequences of their own choices. Holding them tight all their lives means you mop up after every mistake they make.
It is a hard fact of life that we don't learn without having to deal with the consequences of our choices.
Your children need you to let them mop up after themselves. Knowing when to do this is key to parenting. A basic motto needs to be--don't do for them what they can do for themselves. And make sure you don't rely on the argument that your kid obviously can't handle his finances because he won't balance a checkbook. If you keep giving him money to cover his over-drafts, why should he learn to avoid getting over-drafts? Knowing what a kid is ready to handle can be hard, but paying close attention will show his capabilities.
Look at what others her age are doing. Are all her friends getting jobs and remembering to do their own homework without someone breathing down their necks? Maybe she's ready to handle life responsibilities.
When a toddler goes in for a nap and comes out of his room an hour later in a totally different outfit, it's time to stop dressing him. Even if he doesn't always match at first, he needs to pick out his own clothes(check to make sure he's weather-appropriate) and put them on himself.
Make sure what you do for your kid isn't out of your own needs. If you're always perfectly-dressed and you want others to think well of you because your child is also perfectly-dressed, who are we really concerned about? The kid or your image? Parenting needs to be about providing the child what the child needs. He needs you to love him and believe in him. If this is true, you sometimes let the kid pick out clothes that don't match. When, if ever, matching is important to the kid, he'll figure out how to do it.
Hold your kids and remember to demonstrate your love by giving them your attention and your time, not just your money. Release your kids and let them make age-appropriate decisions. Make sure you don't get in the way of their consequences. You'll be stealing their learning.
Watching them struggle can break your heart, but there's no other way for them to become responsible adults.