Posts
When you start seeing someone new does it ever cross your mind that if things get complicated, you’ll just break-up? Most individuals want to be in a relationship. It seems easier than being alone, but building a solid, rewarding relationship is a really hard thing to do. Maybe one of the hardest on this earth. The divorce rate reflects this.
Many adults grew up with divorced parents or had friends whose parents were divorced. Dissolving a marriage isn’t fun, but sometimes it’s the best option. So, maybe you’re single again, what then?
Being alone doesn’t usually feel good and isn’t good for your emotional or physical health. So, you get into another relationship and, typically, you get in fast. If the old relationship broke, get a new one. If a lover decides to leave, we go out the next weekend looking for another hook-up. We deal with loss and grief through an exchange mentality. If a pet dies, we’ll be at the pet store or breeders within a week.
Too-quick relationships often become disposable. In our culture, we cycle through relationships—mating up and breaking up with a speed that can rack up the marriages for a person fairly quickly. But we still want to marry, still want to believe in forever. Some say that we should work harder at marriage and that may be true, but part of the problem is how bad we are at choosing mates. Many of us put more thought into buying a car than whether or not to start up a thing with the guy from yoga class.
Divorce is ugly and painful, but the breaking-up isn’t the only problem. Some individuals fail to consider basic issues of compatibility when deciding to begin a relationship. Do your lifestyles mesh? This is where looking at values comes into play. Does one of you choose to indulge in recreational drugs on the weekend or excessive recreational drinking while the other is a teetotaler? Do you want the same kind of lives? Kids? No kids? Religion? Agnostic? Are you determined to make your first million before the age of 35, but he just wants a simple life?
Lifestyle compatibility is major when we’re talking creating a successful relationship. But that doesn’t mean you are the same people. Having different perspectives lends both a spice to life and helps to create a more balanced outlook. What you need is similar values; different personalities.
Getting into a relationship without either knowing the person (and I’m not talking Biblical knowing) or considering whether you share values is like using paper plates. If you eat regularly, you have to know you’re going to run through a number of plates.
Throw-a-way relationships can corrode your outlook and sap your energy. Before you jump into the next one, ask yourself how well you know this person. Do you know how she voted in the last election? Or whether she voted at all? How maxed are her credit cards and what’s her shoe size.
Before you jump into the next one, consider hedging your bets. Get to know the person you’re considering spending a part of your life with. It’ll result in fewer turnovers and less spinning of your wheels.
