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Yes, you’ve done some stupid things. You’ve even been vindictive and mean-spirited. Sometimes, you get really, really angry, and you may strike out at those who’ve hurt you. None of this makes you a bad person.
It makes you human.
Badness is a choice that becomes ingrained over multiple actions. You have to work at being bad. It takes consistency. Negotiating your way through relationships, job situations and friendships, that sometimes don’t feel friendly, can present you with lots of opportunities to be less than kind. This doesn’t mean you are a terrible individual, though. You’re just dealing with the lessons you need to learn.
You might feel guilty and justified, all at the same time. You probably don’t feel understood or listened to, although the other party may say nastily that he or she understands you alright. Feelings don’t make you bad. Behavior doesn’t make you bad, either, although behavior can land you in a heap of trouble. Acting badly towards others can make life hard for you, but it doesn’t necessarily make you an awful person.
All people get angry sometimes. Anger is an emotion like grief or disappointment. The actions you take are much more important. You choose what you do in various situations. If you’re consciously destructive to yourself and others, you’ll lose relationships and limit your life.
But bad people don’t typically think they’re bad. They do harsh, ugly things to others; they limit themselves in massively dysfunctional ways. They feel justified in their actions, though, even when these are destructive to others. Whether this destructivity is emotional or physical, hurting others automatically hurts you.
Being this kind of individual wears away a person’s humanity.
You struggle, at times, and you probably sometimes make bad choices. You may have patterns that hurt you. You might consistently put yourself in bad situations. None of this makes you an irredeemable person. Defining yourself as “bad” or unworthy can actually hinder you from becoming a better person. It leaves you feeling horrible and saps the energy you need to see improvement you can make in your behavior.
Remember, you get to choose the kind of individual you want to be. Your actions may sometimes feel forced on you, but don’t forget that you’re in charge of your own behavior. People aren’t born bad, but a few make destructive choices over and over. They are in the minority.
The other 90% make stupid decisions and stumble their way toward recovery. Never forget that life involves difficult lessons. Most people are just trying to learn these.
If you feel guilty about your less-than-stellar moments, you’re probably not a bad person.
