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She excels in sports and all the coaches fight over who gets her, and the one that does makes her captain of the team. She is an A-B student. All [the] teachers just adore her, although a few of them have commented on her attitude. She's wise beyond her years and often her peers come to her for advice. She has never done drugs and she's still a virgin.
Sounds wonderful, right? Her downside is she is so spoiled that she orders everyone around [and demands] how things will be. She goes nuts if we deny her money when she asks for it, and even though her car is in beautiful condition, she prefers to drive my SUV because of the image things. She's all about image. I had her drive it in the snowy winter, for safety reasons. But when I told her I needed to swap cars for a few days, she started crying, saying she can't drive her car to school because of her image. I'm a strict parent, and when she pulled that I decided to keep my SUV for even longer, hoping to open her eyes that she should be very grateful for what she has. Her grandmother just reinforces her entitled attitude, though, smirking at her car and saying it's "okay", but not quite up to the standard she thinks her granddaughter deserves. Her grandmother also complains in my daughter's defense whenever she is denied something.
I know anyone close to the situation cannot get their point across, so I thought if you could give your opinion about her attitude, and I will show it to her and her grandmother, to show them it isn't just us being mean or unreasonable, but giving reasonable boundaries that need to be followed. At this point, we are at such war with each other, I'm afraid it will tear apart this whole family--"Unhappy Mom"
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Dear Unhappy,
I hate to disappoint you, but the kid won't care what I think. It sounds as if you're raising a bright, determined girl and you have my condolences. All I can recommend is that you need to give her less and make her earn more...and that you accept that parenting isn't a popularity contest. She won't like it and she won't like you. At least, not now.
Grandma is another situation. Many view grandparenting as having the right to spoil the heck out of grandparents. They think the parents have to be the mean ones, as they probably were. I don't agree with this position, but it's pretty wide-spread. Grandparents care about the welfare of their grandchildren and it's not in any child's best interest to be so spoiled and entitled that their teachers comment on it.
You need to accept that your daughter's going to hate all this and hate you, too. We hope she outgrows this and comes to realize that you're acting in her best interests. Most kids do, but the process is truly a painful part of parenting.
BTW, drive the SUV yourself. The kid needs to learn how to handle a car in the snow anyway.
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Look around, more and more of us are struggling with feeling unsafe. We don't believe we have the capacity to protect ourselves, whether this involves good relationship decisions or some sort of national disaster. We drive large SUVs, even when we usually drive alone, thinking the larger vehicle protects us.
More people are dealing with Panic Disorders and we forget that we generally know how to care for ourselves way better than we think. There is no way to avoid the challenges of this world, but you're better equipped to handle these than you feel.
