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You love them. They're your kids and there's nothing you wouldn't do for them. If they needed a kidney or someone to snatch them from in front of a speeding car, you wouldn't hesitate.
The day-to-day moments are more challenging, however.
The developmental tasks of the teen years involve learning to create successful relationships…and they frequently decide that doesn't really include their relationship with you. In addition to dealing with friends and dating, your teen's biggest push is to learn to live without you.
You know your job is to help them become independent adults. They need to learn things like how to do well in school, to be considerate of others and, heck, to be a good employee with their first part-time jobs. These are the true paths to independence, but they're not usually teens' big concerns.
They want to make their own decisions. Sometimes scary decisions.
Typically, teens push their boundaries -- the very ones you've so carefully set up to protect them. They want to live their own lives, pick their own friends and play their own music. You might actually like the music, but you'd like the kid to be more consistent. If he wants to be his own boss, then he needs to stop counting on you to provide every little frill for him. Independence comes with learning to make your own money. Learning to handle your own screw-ups.
Teens are huge contradictions. Like earlier developmental stages --they want to scream at you to let them live their own lives…and come crying home to you when some girl is saying bad things about them on-line. Parents can be excused for some confusion.
That doesn't mean, however, that you get to throw up your hands, walk away and let them make messes of their lives. While you don't need to control your child's every move, you do need to refrain from making it easy for the kid to be stupid.
Parents have their hearts in the right place, but not always their heads. One of the ways you equip your children is to make the latest technology available. And that's good. You want to make sure, though, that the kid can handle it and that you don't make it easy for her to isolate from the family. Televisions and computers need to be kept in public, family areas, not bedrooms. The issues regarding on-line dangers are clear. Bad things can happen to teens making "friends" on the internet.
Don't give them too much unsupervised freedom. It's risky. Keeping televisions out of their bedrooms isn't about predators or "bad" shows. It's about communication opportunities. Kids who share televisions with adults have a greater chance of talking about what they're watching on TV. You want them to talk to you. Really.
Cell phones are seen by many parents as a leash. Somehow they think if they give the kid a phone, they can control the kid's behavior. This couldn't be more untrue. There are always reasons not to answer your calls--"the battery died" or "I couldn't get cell reception" if they don't want to talk to you. Remember, just because you can get your kid on the phone doesn't mean the kid isn't doing scary things. Get them a cell phone, but keep a close eye on where they're going and who and when they're talking. Middle of the night phone calling when you're asleep isn't uncommon.
The teen years are exciting, maddening, exhausting times to parent. It is understandable how teen mood swings and power struggles can seem to be not worth the trouble. Don't give up, though. Stick to your parenting guns. Remember, one day they'll be on their own and you really do want them prepared.