IT WON'T BLOW OVER

I hate to break it to you, but disagreements don't just go away. You might stop arguing about something, but that doesn't mean the conflict evaporates. Couples sometimes want to believe whatever they're fighting about will just drift away, but this doesn't really happen. You have a point; he has a point. You both have strong feelings about the situation. Don't succumb to the hope that you'll both forget this.

You fight, yell, make snarky comments and accusations. You're mad, hurt, betrayed, upset--whatever. Maybe all that, but you've been here before and you got over it, right?

No. Not really. These kind of emotions and conflicts don't just blow over. You need to know that ignoring conflicts doesn't mean they don't exist. If you stop arguing, kiss-and-make up and go on, the issue has just gone underground. It doesn't mean things are resolved just because one or both of you got tired of going 'round and 'round.

The things you argue about may seem stupid and pointless, but the disagreement won't just disappear, unless you resolve it. It's tempting to think that you'll both get over this like it's a cold, or something, but relationships don't work this way. Even if you stop fighting, stop talking about it or apologize, issues are still there. Just because you're not talking about the elephant in the room, doesn't mean it isn't there. It's hiding in the back of the metaphorical closet, weakening your love for one another.

You need resolution. Your relationship needs this.

You can decide you're tired of talking about it. You might have sex or a sandwich and you think you've moved on. Nope. It doesn't work this way. Even if the thing you were fighting about isn't large and earth-shattering, the feelings between you are important. You can agree-to-disagree or capitulate, but that doesn't mean the rift in the relationship is resolved.

Listen to each other. Don't fall into the pattern of each being so concerned about getting your point across that you don't actually hear what's upsetting to your mate. And don't let yourself dismiss your partner's feelings as silly or ridiculous. They may not make sense to you, but that doesn't make them any less real or any less valid. Your partner needs you to hear what he's saying and to work to understand why he's saying what he's saying.

If resolved, conflicts between couples can actually be strengthening. The process isn't comfortable, but the end result can be that you find a greater understanding of each other and of yourself. You might just hope that the problems will go away, but it's better for the relationship if you talk it out. You both need to listen really, really hard and come to an understanding.

Emotions don't have a reason that's always "reasonable," but that doesn't mean they're stupid or wrong. If you or your mate feel threatened in the relationship, this is significant. If one or the other of you struggles with jealousy, you need to understand why. Relationships are the best place to learn about and improve yourself, but this only happens if you deal with what's going on.