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Break-up, then go out and find a new love. Then, when that love grows stale and unfulfilling, the cycle starts again. This is the pattern many people fall into. Relationships are hard, perhaps the hardest thing individuals do and many of them fail. Some relationships fall apart while you’re still in them; others end with a bang and everyone limps away.
New love, though, comes in a shiny package filled with hope. You meet another person who seems totally cool and—most exciting—totally into you. There is a drugging, hypnotic power to the initial excitement of finding a new love and some individuals get stuck on this phase of relationships.
In the beginning, your new love thinks you are terrific and you think the same about him or her. Too often, though, what follows isn’t as beautiful or successful. Daily life intrudes into the perfect world of your love and you face the challenges of real life. You have career pressures, children and money. All these areas bring opportunities for conflict, which isn’t fun or pleasant. Many individuals try really hard to avoid areas in which they disagree with loved ones and never deal with the things on which they have different opinions.
Some couples are proud to say they never fight, never disagree and never argue. This just means there are issues that aren’t addressed and don’t get resolved. When disagreements aren’t dealt with, effective communication comes to a halt. This isn’t always obvious, but the foundation of relationships are weakened by not learning to resolve the problems that arise between individuals. You may love your partner, but not feel “in love” or truly happy with this person.
When relationships have no functional foundation or the basis of them has rotted away, individuals move on, either physically or emotionally. Usually both. One relationship ends and generally another starts, sometimes within a week. Even if you take a breather between dating different people, when you dive back in, you probably fall into the same patterns as with the old love.
Maybe little changes other than the names.
You struggle with the complications of each relationship, the love you felt for each mate fading away over time. The challenges that come with individuals living together and sharing lives can make it difficult to stay connected with one another and you might find yourself wondering why you stay. The incidence of infidelity is high, but extra-curricular relationships don’t solve problems. They just add to them.
Resolution might not be possible in every relationship--after all, you both have to be working on this--but you need to give it a serious shot. If your partner doesn’t want to address the problems, start on your own issues. You have complete say-so over what you do and don't do. Invest in learning about yourself.
