Everyone Says I Should Leave You

What if all your friends and relatives really hate your girlfriend? Maybe the two of you get into big fights and she throws you out every other month, leaving you to spend the night on your brother's couch. Possibly your boyfriend gets drunk at your family get-togethers. Or maybe the two of you fight. A lot. Maybe you miss work or you're so upset that when you do show up at the office you're worthless.

No wonder everyone thinks you should move on.

Relationships are not that simple, though. There's a reason you stay. Many people will say they stay in unhealthy relationships because of the children, but truth be told, unless there's significant financial hardship involved in getting out, living in the atmosphere of an unhealthy relationship is worse for kids. (And make sure you don't equate financial hardship with not having everything the kid wants.)

Most people stay in relationships not for the kids, but because the relationship still gives them something they want.

Even if you complain and are bitterly unhappy, if you're still there, you're getting something from the relationship. This can be very difficult to see, but it is an inescapable reality. If everyone is telling you to get out, you first need to recognize that this is your life. You get to make the decisions. Then, think long and hard about what really keeps you here.

Maybe there are still good times, maybe you think you deserve all the bad things he says about you when you fight. Either way, who you date--or stay married to--is really your own business. You're the one making the choices and you're the only one who can sort this out. Even if you really care about your friends and you always listen to your mother's advice(yeah, right), your relationship is your decision.

Still, it bothers you that all these people think you should move on. If you're getting a lot of input from others, you're probably inviting it. Maybe you're unsure about the relationship yourself or maybe you are subtly invested in being seen as the "good guy."

Some people grow up as the "good" child and get a little addicted to the positive strokes, hiding their own bad stuff from view. Even if you didn't get crowned as a kid, you can secretly enjoy hearing your friends and family talk badly about your mate.

After all, don't most of us want friends who take our side? If you have conflict about the relationship and you vent to your friends and family about everything he's done, forgetting to mention what you've done, then you can expect them not to like your boyfriend.

Then again, maybe it's not all about disliking your girlfriend. Maybe your family doesn't like you much when you're with her. They might not like who you've become. If you gave up school or started partying hard after you started dating, others might tend to blame the relationship when she had nothing to do with your choice. Heck, maybe one of the things you liked about her was that she didn't care if you went to school. Secretly, you might have chosen the relationship because you really wanted to drop out of school. This way, no one gets all that mad at you. They blame her.

Whether to stay in a relationship and continue working on it or choose to get out, you're in charge. Others' opinions are important, but they're taking their cues from you. Figure your own motives out and you'll be better equipped to know which direction you need to take.