THE RELATIONSHIP POWER SCALE

No one wants to talk about power issues in a relationship, but these are typically present and can cause issues if not addressed. When individuals fall in love, they usually don't want to look at the nuts and bolts of issues. When they're focusing on riding off into the sunset together, talking about problems that may spring up feels like inviting trouble.

There's no denying, however, that power issues can rock a relationship off it's footings--

It's all about the cash:

Money is a big power issue. This can start with which partner makes more money and segue from there into other issues, like "I work harder and make more money, so you should handle the household chores" or the kids. Possibly both. Money can effect whether partners stay when things are bad in the relationship. This may involve not wanting to change a lifestyle(to which you've become accustomed) or not having a skill set to enable the leaving partner to support him or herself.

Some still struggle with gender issues and money. Although this is less common amongst the younger generation, many men grew up with the expectation that they'd be the breadwinner of their families. They may feel disenfranchised by having a wife who makes more money.

Money issues reflect conflicts elsewhere, as well. Couples can bitterly resent unfair spending of money and often wrestle with whether the highest wage earner gets more say-so about where money is spent. 

What's age got to do with it:

Whether the man or woman is five or more years older, age can impact several parts of relationships. Having a partner who has a different generation perspective can be challenging as individuals age. One may prefer different social activities or different music. You may even be uncomfortable socializing with your partner's preferred group.

Age can also influence preferred lifestyles. This can involve the time at which you settle down and stop partying hard, the changes in where you want to live and if you're ready for(or finished with) childrearing.

Educational or career disparity:

When person has significantly more education than the other, it may not be a problem, at all. But in the complex configuration of who's got more power, education plays a role. This may be seen in who has more career options(and so the other should move to wherever the high wage earner wants to go) or even issues of who's "smarter".

By the way, having more education doesn't mean anything about having a higher intelligence.

Relationships are one of the hardest things we do on this earth. It pays to be aware of who feels less-than and how power is used to address conflict.